It hurts...

There is nothing worse then being in another room and hearing your son cry with anger of how stupid his life is. It hurts more then anything.
You think how at 7 or younger could he think that and feel so angry....

It happens in our household. It was a daily thing. After therapy last week, he had not had a meltdown until a few moments ago.

WHY?

Because he was trying to draw a picture for a friend and the picture was not perfect....
So, for this reason he thinks he is dumb, stupid, has a terrible life, and should be dead are his words.

While he moans and groans in bed because if you comfort him, he turns into the hulk.


It hurts, it hurts a lot for a mother to hear those words come for a son who has a big heart and really loves everything.  I so thought those days were over with.

Now it will take me an hour for him to calm down, he can't process the knowledge that it is okay to not be perfect. He can't process that he can keep trying right now. He can't process that just because it is not perfect does not mean he is dumb. It truly hurts to have a child feel this way. This is what causes me to have pain and stress because I can't sweep away the negative thoughts he has.

I pray everynight for the SPD to get better.... So he can look me in the eye when he can't process and say "Momma help me"....that way I can talk and comfort him that it will be okay. Until then....

My daughter, my daughter who is so used to it calls me "Mom, I think you need to calm Aleq down"... She still has a hard time understanding how hard it is to do. That is her mistake, she will try becasue it hurts her to hear him.  Why should a 10 year old have to deal with that.
I know others are worse off. But is normal to want the best and for your children to feel good and happy.

My kids are good and happy most of the time. It is a lot of work I realize raising children in the negative world. That is why I press them to understand the goodness and following of Christians.
Tonight I pray and pray for this all to turn into a positive thing for us all.